The .38 at 3:00 A.M. (June 19, 2013)

It is difficult to describe
The pain and fatigue I feel
A life full of show and disguised
To mull the sorrow behind the wheel

Wailing demons haunt my dreams
My mind will not shut down
I stare at the chamber. The black handle gleams
A frown that always comes back around

In this moment life has changed
Impossible to force a smile
An act the locals will view as strange
My phone will no longer dial

I consider myself a burden to whom I love
Irreconcilable harm done to my boys
No Devil below or God above
Take comfort in finality and rejoice

To spend last year making amends
In preparation for a solitary moment
Final thoughts of family and friends
I relinquish myself from torment

It is early in the day
I am out of smokes
A fitting way to end May
The black handle is how I cope.

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