First Breaths (September 7, 2014)

I never knew I could love someone so much
Until we held hands and I felt your delicate touch
You entered this world crying, kicking, and screaming
I cried with you. You sent my heart beaming

I shouted with great pride ” I am your daddy!”
I smiled at you and gazed into your eyes madly
So beautiful and precious, an angel in disguise
Life started making sense and I started to realize

You are my happy thoughts, my spiritual guide
You lift me up high when this world makes me cry
Let all living creatures know you are my joy
I am your daddy and you are my sweet boy

I made you a promise on the day you were born
That I would be there for you through turbulent storms
I will protect you from the evil in this world
My love for you is endless and unfurled

It is a learning process to be a good father to you
So far I’ve learned a lot, and changed a diaper or two
There is still a long way for both of us to go
Yet I am most excited to watch us both grow

You will teach me things I never knew before
Like how to appreciate what this life is for
I will teach you how to be a good man
How to use your integrity to make a stand

This world can be what you make of it my son
Do not let the bad times make you want to run


The Smoking Section (November 11, 2013)

The family went over to your sister’s house on Sunday for a Veteran’s Day BBQ. We played Cornhole and devoured ample amounts of high-calories southern food. I had a cheeseburger (all of the fixins), some baked beans, and potato casserole. The casserole was always my favorite, remember? People complained it was too dry. I took the leftovers home.

I expected you to walk through the side door to join us. I imaged you in your faded,  blue-gray Local 80 Union sweatshirt and shorts. You wore shorts year-round. I saw you as a weary traveler that found solace and peace in a local family diner. You didn’t say much when you wandered in. You never had to. The smoking section was out back.

I made my way outside to sit with you and talk about work and life. I didn’t drink or smoke anymore, so I felt slightly out of place. You knew how horrible my anxiety was. I was able to push through it and explained to you the necessity of maintaining a positive outlook.

I rinsed off my plate and placed it in the dishwasher. I glanced outside to see if you were still there, still smoking those damn cigarettes. You were gone. You were never there.

The ashes were still smoldering.

Capitalists Behave (July 8, 2013)

Growing income inequality
Built with Monopoly money
The wealthy are lacking
Working class backing. They’re packing

Most do not want wealth redistribution
Eager for a new playing field solution
Where citizens exhibit pride
In a country that has withered and died

Politicians cannot hear your voice
Big business purchased the illusion of choice
Real wages are in decline
Every child is left behind by lying swine

Roads and infrastructure deteriorate
A CEO demands you compensate
Every dollar that we earn
Is fuel that churns the burn

Trickle-down economics
More rhetoric. Word vomit
Policies and programs are suggested
Media moguls have thoughts redirected

Focus on the class below
Another government worker is furloughed
I do not dislike the rich
I am tired of the bullshit sales pitch

Are your fortunes dwindling?
Will your soul be used for Satan’s kindling?
When greed is what you live for
Know the reaper knocks on every door

Dance With Me (June 21, 2013)

She sings in harmony to me
The composition of sweet symphony
Headphones on. Playing a love song
Standing tall as the great Redwood tree

We dance in unifying embrace
Locked eyes. We’re face to face
A great moan. We are not alone
Hearts racing at a blurred pace

Pink lips taste of fresh cream
Seeing no end to this beautiful dream
Pay a toll to relinquish your soul
Whisper confessions and come clean

Time is absent meaning
Surrendering to an unknown feeling
Unfettered love. Broken-winged doves
Exorcism eyes roll back to the ceiling

Is this moment real?
Are our hearts each others to steal?
Light-headed as we are bedded
Savoring her as if she was my last meal

We lie beside each other. Spent
Contemplating what it all meant
To be together and storm any weather
I left because my mind was bent

The .38 at 3:00 A.M. (June 19, 2013)

It is difficult to describe
The pain and fatigue I feel
A life full of show and disguised
To mull the sorrow behind the wheel

Wailing demons haunt my dreams
My mind will not shut down
I stare at the chamber. The black handle gleams
A frown that always comes back around

In this moment life has changed
Impossible to force a smile
An act the locals will view as strange
My phone will no longer dial

I consider myself a burden to whom I love
Irreconcilable harm done to my boys
No Devil below or God above
Take comfort in finality and rejoice

To spend last year making amends
In preparation for a solitary moment
Final thoughts of family and friends
I relinquish myself from torment

It is early in the day
I am out of smokes
A fitting way to end May
The black handle is how I cope.

How She Ames (May 4, 2013)

I wrote you a letter
To make me feel better
About the love we lost
My anger and hatred
A sorrow of ill-fated
We cannot afford its cost
Bright and lively ways
Yet dark on the brightest days
I see you and want to speak
Will we know again
How to be more than friends
Thoughts of you make knees weak
I pushed you away
Because happiness is not meant to stay
A fire burns white hot
Do you know what you want?
Does it change from month to month?
Cease, halt, STOP
To learn from the past
Life moves much too fast
Help me slow it down
Flying through my head
Thoughts of you and me in bed
Your smile removes my frown
I want to meet you again
In a place we have never been
Do not give up on me
How fucked up our lives are
With distance not too far
I bury you to set love free